Tired

I've gotten a little tired of posting.

I see little point in it honestly, and its just become another thing I have to stress over to do.

I think I'm going to take up journaling again; to write for myself and not for others I guess. Really, if someone wants to know how I'm doing or what I've been up to, they can just ask. Its not that hard; wether they actually want to is the question.

A surprising amount of 'events' I suppose I could call them, have occured. But I'm tired of trying to recall them weeks after they've happened. Some of these events are more recent, and I'd personally rather not think about them at all anymore.

I've had awesome moments, of course, with my favourite people thus far in my brief beginning of summer vacation. Soon I'll be working and these precious times are going to become so difficult to come by.

Oh well, make due and hope all will be good.

Glad you're doing very, very good Cream, I really am. Please don't forget things I've said to you before; the little things and slightly littler things. I think this will be my last post unfortunatly, but feel free to call.

Well, nothing else really to say!

G'night.

Time Slips

I know it's been freaking ages since I've written but I've always had something to do. A test to study for, fights with mom, or just wanting to relax and watch TV were consistent reasons.

Finally it's exam time, and soon it'll be summer. I'll be working a majority of it -- 7 weeks full time. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to handle the stress of working with kids, creating lesson plans and not seeing friends. But we'll see. I guess it's a good experience, and I shouldn't be complaining. Lots of people really want the job I have.

What else is there. I dunno. Nowadays I find I desperately just want to chill.. Watch Lost, play Pokemon, or snuggle with Gray. I always feel a lil' anxious thanks to work and school. School will be done within a matter of days though, which is a good and bad thing. I'll be seeing Gray even less than I do now once summer vacation comes. Which sucks. I know it'll be tough. Hopefully there will be a week where I'm not needed for work, and can take a break.


 I don't know what else to write, any questions?


xo

Wisdom

Am I PMSing or am I just a bitch? I think the latter.

I think awful things, and am incredibly selfish. I want other people to constantly be aware if I am feeling sad or whatever. I want them to feel the way I do.

I dunno.

Maybe I’m just PMSing.

But I always get down, ya know? Like lonely, and really my behavior is ungrateful. I am ungrateful...I always tell myself that. It doesn’t make me feel any better. Because in my mind, my  feelings are justified. Even writing this now I feel that.. yeah nevermind,

I wish I could just become wise and stuff already, become patient and kind and worldly. That ain’t happening for awhile.

So sometimes I really hate myself. Because of my feelings and my faults-- Jesus, this is way too dramatic for my tastes. But it truly feels like I’m at war with myself sometimes.

Sorry for not writing for awhile!

Lil Update

I noticed that's it's been a little while since I've last posted... I planned on writing a detailed post on my past few weeks but now that I'm in bed, I'm considering that just a lil update may suffice.

So. I guess to start I'll work on what's on the top of my mind and work down from there.

Gray's 'bros' are awful. The majority of them-- well all besides one, make me pissed off, and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I'm in a group with all of them and Gray for an English project. We have to make a vid that incorporates our chosen selections of scenes from Romeo and Juliet, and fucking hell I hate it. The only good thing is extra time with Gray, but besides that I HATE IT. We filmed today, and so far every scene we've done is mainly of
the same two guys. One of them, Tom, acts like he is top dog and he owns everyone and everything. The other, Ryan, thinks that his penis is amazing and that he is the shit.
And I am blessed enough to be part of this group so I can video tape their faces all the fucking time. I am regarded to in the most condescending manner and I cant stand it.
The second we were finished today I picked up my bag and left. Today was especially fantastic because as soon as I had a moment alone I began to cry.

They can all go eat shit.

I've decided that I should try sitting with a different group at lunch... The less time I spend around them the happier I'll be. Soo there's a brief glance into that!

Nexttt, I've finished a huge project in Programming class, a feat I am incredibly proud of. Cool, cool.

Another thing, Im sorry for bitching at you, Cream. I think at the moment I was just sick of always trying hard and still feeling stupid, and you're predicament was something related to that and was an opportunity for me to just... Bitch.

There's a lil more to be said, but I should probably start reading my English... Another update soon

Reminiscing

I'm in bed, Cream's ipod and gift to me in hand, trying to relax. My sister is snuggled next to me, sound asleep. She looks so much younger when she's sleeping. I wonder what I look like when I'm asleep.. Anyways.
I can't relax. I feel stressed. Perhaps about things that may seem trivial to others; like programming homework. I mentioned awhile ago that I'm taking a computer programming course at the moment, and it's so fucking hard. I always tell myself that hard work will pay off. So I try to work hard in all aspects of my life (for the most part, getting along with my mom doesn't count), but fucking tech. I can't ever seem to grasp it. WHY. WHY is it so bloody difficult?? I'm working hard. Guess I'll just have to work even harder. I fuckin hate that. I stayed in at lunch to hand in a program I was so proud of finishing only to gear from my teacher that it was wrong, try again. According to her, I was only missing one small but essential thing. But I couldn't get it. Gray was sitting in there with me, luckily, 'cause once she left me to it, I started crying. I'm such a pussy sometimes, its ridiculous. Gray, I love you. I'd be hopelessly pathetic if you weren't around to give me words if encouragement as you always do.
Teach came back, and she pretty much handed me the answer but gave me a 10/10 anyways.. She doesn't accept thank-you's easily though, walks away half way through said phrase whenever it leaves my mouth. She's cool.

Another stressful thing is my potential summer job. I'm hoping to get hired to do summer camps for kids with the recreation centre I'm working at now. I got through the first interview process, and have been asked to attend another night of observation (in a sense). In this case, I'll be in charge of an activity that I'll make up beforehand for my 20 - 25 competitors to participate in for 5 - 10 minuets. Mom insists I do an origami camp (there is an arts n crafts camp so its not a bad idea) and I can't imagine anyone else doing it, plus its sorta within my comfort zone so why not, right? Well I'll be pretty intimidated speaking and trying to insue fun into a large group of most likely university aged people, 5 of which I met in my first round of interviews, but fuck it whatever I'll give it my all and if I screw it up oh well, it was a learning experience or some shit like that.
So yeah, there's that.

Does any of this make some amount of sense? I'm just going on a tangent here, so please bear with me.

My sis, whom I'm not sure if I named yet in this blog so I'll just call her Arwen, doesn't normally sleep with me. I'm not a very good big sister, something I'm actually quite ashamed of. Despite us having very different personalities, I see myself in her. We both long, well 'longed' in my case, for attention and affection. My parents are affectionate I guess, sort of, they just show it in a way that... I dunno. I don't want to sound ungrateful or like I've been emotionally neglected,'cause neither of those are true, but.. I had a lonely childhood, it feels like she is too.
I can't explain it right, maybe another day.

Kay I'll try again.

I often think to myself, would it be better to have often impatient (a softer word then I'm feeling but its the best I can do) parents, or to have impatient parents annnd a bitchy older sister? Which hurts less?
I don't wanna be that stereotypical teenage sister, but its so easy to be a bitch. Cold and detatched. A little dramatic, but true.

I'm really gonna try hard, just like I do with school and dance, etc. Arwen was the light of my world when she was born, and I hate that that has changed.. I'm going to try now though.

Well its late, school tomorrow... Ooh starting a project in planning, where we choose one career and learn stuff about it. I'm excited bout this, I have no idea what I want to pursue after graduation, I'm really hoping this will help!

Alrighty, well I'm done my shpeel. Good night.

Well well

Parents. Wonderful beings. Because of their sexual inhibitions, you were created, for better or for worse. Probably the latter in my mom’s opinion.“Why can’t you just listen? Why are you like this?” She’s yelled this a lot. Not recently, but she has come up with new things to scream at me about. Why am I like what, mom? I’m constantly getting in shit for the littlest things. I swear, she’s looking for things to yell at me about. Does it make her feel good, making me feel like the most insignificant piece of shit on this entire planet? The whole “I only get mad about these things because I care about you”, is massive bull at this point.

Random new 'rules' are being created and I must abide them or else a screaming fit shall be induced. I cannot use the computer past 10pm, even if Im doing homework. I cannot be on the phone past 10pm, but she can be up at five in the morning literally yelling on the phone in Japanese.
Its 'little' things like this that I cant stand. The way she is always so so loud. I'm less than 3 feet away from you, I can fucking hear, thanks. I'm constantly hearing sob stories about her childhood. Dont get me wrong; I honestly do understand she had rough times. But shouldn't her past experiences make her more loving towards me? She was a middle child, with an older brother and younger brother with traditional Japanese parents. Therefore, if her mother ever had time for any of her children, it would be for her sons. Thats changed now though, her mom and her are quite close.
She still felt those feelings though. Then why does she run away when I ask for a hug? Or asks me what is it that I want? Because there's gotta be a hidden motive when I ask my mom for a hug. That hurts. Again, the little things.
This list could go on. Being overbearing, obnoxious, etc has made her someone I feel like I have to always lie to. I can't tell her just about everything like Cream and Juliet can with their moms, and it really makes me sad. I'm comforted when Grays around, he understands, and I really appreciate it.

Anyways to finalize this post, I know that I could work harder on appreciating my mom more. But she could try appreciating me more too. Dad angrily says I need more respect for her. But she hasn't quite earned it yet.

Tears to Drown In

I look at my News Feed on Facebook, and I can't help but feel ashamed. My generation is so fucking spoiled and self-absorbed. Here's a couple posts people have made today:


These are kellys nails she does normal tips, prints and everything!

(A post on some chicks nails, followed by a gaudy picture that resembles a human hand with dragon claws.)

Tbh from Mina and me, want one? Like it up bitch.

tig ol bitties in MY face. motor boattttttttttttttt all night

Wild saturday night. Sitting on my bed on tumblr. THUG LIFE

Yup.

Right now I am remembering a year ago today. I was on a flight to Tokyo, an hour from landing. I was in a shitty ass mood; exhausted, everything smelled like barf, head-pounding, with my ears plugged. An announcement came on... It was the Captain, letting us know that a major earthquake had just went down in Tokyo. He sounded shaken. Well no shit he did.

I regret being so...self centered. Even so, who wouldn't be, honestly?

When I saw the devastation, it felt like I was bulldozed in the heart. I didn't see it in person, I saw it on television -- I was far from the physical damage. I didn't need to see it in person. What I saw on the screen was more than enough...More than enough pain, suffering, and loss than anyone should experience in a life time.

Where am I going with this? I don't know. There's so much that I'm feeling right now, I just can't put it into words. I want to cry, but I feel like I don't deserve to be all weepy about this. The whole month I stayed in Japan afterwards, I was completely...ungrateful. Well, never ungrateful, but I sure as hell never acted grateful.

Does this make sense at all?

At dinner today... My dad, this gruff, angry man, started to cry. I've only ever seen him cry once in my life before that. He's not the 'sensitive' type; he's not openly affectionate most of the time and he has an incredibly short temper and is constantly swearing.

To see him cry was-

He told us about that day, how he found out about the disasters. On March 11th, while I was on my flight, he was watching a hockey game. When it finished, it was late, so he went to bed. He said he remembered the phone ringing that night, but he ignored it since he was falling asleep. The next morning he listened to a message from my nana, apparently she was crying.. I didn't know she cried..

He said he was so afraid. So afraid.

"You instantly imagine the worst, ya know?"

He kept apologizing for crying.

Anyways, to conclude this I want to say that I am forever grateful for my life, and my loved ones. Im grateful for my home and for all the lessons Ive been taught throughout my life.
Japan, my heart is with you.

Japan, I love you.

Last Weekend I...

Disappointed myself. Hated myself. Cried. Ate literal shit for two meals in a row. Annnnd the list continues..

So I had my feis this weekend. Surprise surprise, I sucked major asshole. I guess I may as well get to that later.

Enough with the melodrama.

The weekend itself hadn't been that bad; took the ferry over (it was just my mother and I) and visited with my cousins and Aunt and Uncle. It was nice, I rarely see them. They're my grandma's favorites, however, and I'll always be a little jealous by that fact..
After visiting, me and mom began our journey to this horrible grey city. Waited for a bus, rode the bus, got off and waited for a skytrain, took the skytrain. Got off, and couldn't find our bus stop. Found the bus stop. Waited for ages. I might as well mention it was FUCKING FREEZING the whole time, and we had a suitcase, a bag full of food, and my dance dress-- which made the whole experience that much more awesome! I was wearing leggings, my little oxford shoes, and one jacket, which I'll admit was a very bad clothing choice. Finally when bus arrived, and to my surprise it was a mini shuttle bus.. Probably only 20 seats in it, and there was a line up of around 30 to 40 people. Luckily for us, my mom and I just made it on, and out of the cold. Once we got off at our stop, we walked for about 5 minuets that had felt like it lasted an hour, and arrived at our inn.

Although being cold and tired hadn't been a welcome prospect, mom and I were happy and chatty... Nicety's were exchanged, something I hadn't been used to especially for this past while, but the lovingness and all that jazz between me and mom made me happy. Still do, since it hasn't ended yet. I love it when she's like this; funny, and caring,and supportive.. but unfortunately I wouldn't be surprised if I wrote a hate-driven post about her soon enough.

That night, we were hungry and didn't feel like waiting for food if we ordered in, or walking a block to all the good restaurants. Instead, we ran across the busy highway in front of our inn to the ABC Country Restaurant that was on the other side of the road.. I have five words for you:
Salt curds, and chicken shit.

Sums up the dinnah!

Then the next day was the feis. Arrived at the place it was being held at, at 8 o'clock, all primmed up with my make-up done etc., which I had never bothered with before. Practiced for half an hour-ish, and felt pretty confident with my dances, however quite nervous. The competition started, and my first dance was decent.. I ended up getting ranked 5th in that dance. The judge rarely looked at me though, but that was nothing compared to what happened in my next dance. This dance was going great-- it's my best dance and I love it the most. But half way through, I fall. On my ass. I get back up, and finish my dance.
Annd that sucked ass.
Then my next two dances, which weren't that great.. I was off-timing and I couldn't concentrate on certain parts.After that was one more dance before I had a break. This dance was better; I actually was much more relaxed.. I think that was mainly because the judge was looking at every single dancer with a "What the fuck are you doing here?" look on her face. It made me giggle to myself as I waited in line, and I ended up getting placed 3rd in that dance. I did not place in the rest of my dances.

After my break (the duration of which consisted of me trying not to cry/telling myself I still had a chance of moving up), I had my first trophy dance at that feis. This one, too, was going extreamly well. And in this one, too, I tripped. Luckily, I caught myself before I fell, but there was no chance for me to finish my dance.. I was generally depressed by this time. Then my last trophy dance. I did fine, but I didn't even bother staying for the results. Mom's coworker picked us up, and we drove back together to the ferry.

After this, I had a generally good time; talking about photography, eating in the ferry buffet, checking out mom's coworkers boat once we got back. His name is George, by the way. I had my long cry when I got home annnnd thats that!

I've already told Cream about my knee problems so I don't wanna bother with writing every detail bout them on here.. But the just of it is, I did something to fuck my knees up, kept practicing hard anyways, and injured myself. I just saw the doc today, and she's pretty sure I have two problems: Firstly, something called Pes Ancarinis, which means that I've irritated three tendons (on both knees), just on the lower inside of my kneecaps, most likely from overuse. Secondly, Patellofemeral which according to Doc many girls around my age acquire, which hurts my knees when I walk down stairs, for example. If need be, I can get physio, but I'm hoping it doesn't get to that point. All in all, nothing too serious, but I do have to take a couple weeks off from dance!

Anywho, I slept on my arm funny, its bugging me, so I'll stop typing now.

Cheers!

Nothing New

So, new boyfriend for Cream! Can't wait to hear alllll about him, and I have quite a bit to talk about myself, so..Cream, we must set up a date soon. Which won't be possible if you just stop texting me. Just saying.

Schools been decent, not too boring-- actually a lot better then last semester. I have Science, English, Computer Programming 11 (yeupp, I actually do), and Planning. Programming is hard, I took it last year and I did good, but this stuffs way harder.. Doesn't help that I had the last class over a year ago, I don't remember jack.
Science is pretty interesting so far, although I've just run into one section that is tough for me to grasp.. None the less, I'm considering making Science a bigger part of my high school life... Something I had never considered before, which makes the prospect slightly interesting. But I still have no clue what I want to pursue after high school... University, yes. But no ideas yet on what career I think would make me happy.
English is interesting as well, my teacher is quite.. An odd one, he's constantly moving around and swinging around a mini wooden mallet. His vocabulary is vast and he hates it when other people try to finish his sentences for him. So far we've been reading short stories, discussing how we perceive them, writing vocabulary quizzes, and a few other assignments. I love English more then any other class, but hopefully it'll become more exciting soon.

I'm going to stop going to piano lessons once school ends, so my teacher and I decided that I should work on one song I'm interested in till then. I've chosen Fur Elise, hopefully I won't get annoyed by its repetitiveness.
I have a dance competition on the weekend of the 25th and 26th, so I'm practicing hard for that. Don't know if I've mentioned that I dance on this blog, but yup I've been an Irish dancer since I was 6, and I've been with this dance group since I was 7. At this feis (Irish dance competition), I'm aiming to win in all my solo dances. If I win the trophy dance for one certain dance called the Treble Jig, I'll move up to a whole new category.
There's two different categories; one goes like this.
You start with Beginner,
then there's Advanced Beginner,
followed by Novice,
then Prizewinner is the highest. I've been in Prizewinner for a couple years now, and I never tried to move up until the last feis I went to.
The next category is pretty much a whole new world.. Not trying to sound corny, but it's true. You gotta be prepared to go to this new area, which I think I am. So that should mean that I win a lot of my other dances as well, not just this one trophy dance, because I want to prove to myself and my coach that I'm ready.

Wow I sound like an idiot.
Anywho, the next category consists of Open, Preliminary, and Championships. I'm not sure what order they go in, but I'll ask. So yeah. That's my goal.

Nothing exceedingly exciting going on with me, as per usual.

Me and Gray just keep getting better, it feels like we're never gonna end. *knock on wood*
I'm getting closer with his friends too, which I really like. One of his friends, whom I shall call CeeCee (idea comes from my little sister, who calls him that) has come to me for advice, which was very flattering! I sat with him last semester during Math, and we talked a lot then too, so yeah it's nice to finally be comfortable around Gray's friends.

Anywaysss thats all. Hope you tune in another time to the exciting life of Sophia!! Yay!

You don't always have to hold your head higher than your Heart

Hey Cream? Sweetheart, I love you.

Remember that. Constantly.

Anyways, a quote from Betrayals that I think is rather applicable at this point and time:

"Calm down. Two of the most useless words in the English language."


Agreed? Agreed.


Another quote, this one by Jack Johnson. The title of this post, actually.


"You don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart."


I hope these two quotes suffice as what is my message to you. Xoxo

My friends are in the bathroom, getting higher then the Empire State

Well.. What a weekend.

After work, dad was a little bit late picking me up, but it was okay in the end and I made the bus.

Only after riding said bus for an hour, and have it pull up where I had gotten on, did I realize it was the wrong fucking bus.
Fuck me.
So I caught the right bus, and got off at the right stop. Juliet and her mom picked me up, and we drove home, and had pizza for dinner. It was nice, and of course Juliet and her younger brother Jay, and her dad were there too. I love how I feel a part of their family, and this weekend I felt like Juliet and I kind of reconnected... It's hard for us to have girls nights, we live too far apart, in completely different towns, and only see each other on Sundays at dance. So this time was precious, every second was great.

After dinner, we headed down to the cabin we were renting for the evening. It was so beautiful down there, the cabin was just above the beach, and surrounded by forest. There are other cabins around as well, but it was nice to have a little reminder we weren't completely cut off from civilization. I wouldn't care either way though, really. The inside was quaint, wood floors and walls, one living room area that had two comfy chairs, one tiny bed pushed up against the wall, a table and two other chairs, a fireplace, a stove, mini fridge, counter space etc, and then a window that took up most of the wall that faced the ocean. Unfortunately it was pitch black outside, so we couldn't see what our view was like.

We got some chill music going, and pulled out some ciders and beers. Ciders...So...Yummyyyy. I had a couple, and then we had our weed cookies! I think in total I had three. I don't quite remember.
We just chatted and laughed together, talked about numerology and other random things.
We tried to summon spirits to a Wiji board, but nothing happened.. I was relieved and disappointed by this-- I'm pretty interested to know if there really are ghosts and such, but at the same time demons and ghosts are one of my biggest fears, next to getting possessed or becoming crazy.
Well, I guess I'm already a little crazy.
We played a fun card game and ate some other munchies. Finally, the boys left, and Juliet, her mom and I had some girl time. The whole while I was a little tipsy, couldn't quite walk straight, and I felt rather giddy.. Just warm and happy and I laughed a lot. It was a cozy feeling, I really liked it. But I'm not sure if I was drunk or high or a little bit of both. Juliet only had soft ciders, with barely any alcohol in 'em, but she had like 7 cookies. She got pretty zonked later in the night. It was hilarious.

The three of us headed down to the beach. Well, tried to. We walked through the forest in the dark, with umbrellas and flashlights, following the trails and the sound of the ocean waves. It was beautiful, and really fucking creepy. Every so often, there was a deep song of rumbles, I could feel the strength of that shit in me. It definitely wasn't the sound of the waves. My first thought was like a tsunami or earthquake or something like that. Juliet was slightly freaked as well, so we headed back to the cabin before we had even reached the sea. Once we got back, we went out onto our porch that faced the sea. Past some trees and more cabins down the hill, I could see the unnaturally white crest of the waves rolling in. The rain was pounding steadily, and it was amazing. The thunder continued, but then something new happened.
Lightning.
It was inspiringly beautiful. Just utterly phenomenal. It was sheet lightening, and lasted a couple of seconds at a time. It seemed to switch the night back into day. I loved it. This happened a couple more times, and then me and Juliet headed back inside to crash. I was exhausted, but warm and giggly and happy too.

The next morning, I woke up and saw our view. Green shrubs stretched past our window, and one huge long tree stood in the middle. The plants continued downhill, towards a couple more cabins. There I saw the waves, and where the sea met the sky. It was cloudy out, and still raining. A window was open in the living room so I could still hear it. We had a hearty breakfast and then left for home.. Such a great time.

Anyways, I won't bore you with other details about my day. Tomorrow is the first day of the new semester, but apparently half of the day will be wasted by some stupid sports ceremony. Probably another one that's all about the obnoxious football team that I frankly have never given a shit about. Whatever, extra time for me and Gray to cuddle somewhere else on our own!
I'm looking forward to this semester.. God, I can't believe half the school year is done with.

Oh, I applied for a job for the Spring Break, I should get an email on Feb 3 if I'm to have an interview.. Hope I do, if I work all Spring Break I could make bigg bucks. But it will be a camp for kids thing, so more babysitting stuff... Maybe the kids will be slightly well behaved, that would be nice. Birthday attending has been extra fun lately, with barfing incidents and getting kicked by random spoiled brats has been making me even more keen on child care. But I really can't complain. I love my job, and am very grateful to have one.

Anyways, enough rambling. It's late, and I have to wake up early tomorrow.

Cream, I'm very glad you had a good day, you deserve them!! Love you, and miss you hun.

More news another day!

7 Minutes

So. Yes, I haven't written in quite some time. And now I have around 7 minuets to say everything that I want, I probably won't finish, but I will do my best.

EXAMS ARE DONEEE!!! Finalllyy, so much stress has washed away, and I'm ready for the new semester. I'm also ready to have clear skin; I completely broke out during these past weeks, stress and lack of sleep = horrid combo.

Jan 26th was one of my bestfriend's birthday. I'll call her Juliet, because she looks a little bit like Amanda Seyfried, who played that girl in some chick flick. Yeup.
I didn't call her until 9 pm on her special day.. We had texted briefly in the morning, but that was all the communication we'd had. So pretty much what I'm saying is I forgot her birthday. Some fucking "best friend" I am. I feel like the biggest ass hole on this planet. She didn't seem very happy about it either (well duh) and when I apologized again yesterday, she kept saying she wasn't upset, but I dunno.

Today after work (which is where I'm walking to in now 2 minuets) I'm going to bus down to her place. We are then going to drive out to a cabin that we're renting, and have some magical brownies. My first time having  weed in any shape or form. I'm a lil nervous I guess, like what if I'm allergic to it or something??

Well, times up. I have a lottt more I want to say but that will unfortunately have to wait.

I'll write soon, for reals this time :)

Sophia

Music of the Moment

Oh, here's some links to music that I'm in to right now, check em out!

Drifting

I'm backkkk! How long has it been? Exactly 2 weeks?
Yup. But nothing new has really been going on.

Just school, and studys. Every freakin day is just the sammmeeee ollldddd routineee... Provincial exams are coming up, so soon I'll be even more stressed! Yay, fun times.

What else have I been up to.. Well I'm on a net ball team, I joined in November, I think. It's pretty fun, but unfortunately I can't go to the Winter Games as was planned, since I have a dance competition on the same weekend that I had told my mom and dance coach I'd go to a long while ago. Of course, some of the other girls on my netball team were being bitchy about it. That includes a friend of Cream's, actually, who i will call Annie. She pisses me off.

Anywho, I had my first real netball game yesterday, against an experienced team from outta town. I was the only young girl from all the newbies that came, the rest I played with and against were adults.
Kinda funny. I get shit for not being able to go to the Winter Games, but everyone else, who all said they were coming to this one little game, didn't show. That does show however, in my opinion, some HYPOCRISY.

I don't know if anyone's noticed, if there is anyone reading besides Gray and Cream, that each one of my post titles, are actually names from the chapters in the Inheritance Series? All credit to Christopher Paolini, he's just so awesome I can't get over it.

What else is new? Well.... IT SNOWED YESTERDAY!!!!!! Finallyy, snow.

I'm havin a blank here, not sure what else is new with me that is of any significance.

I gotta head out to work soon, I do birthday parties at a rec center, pretty crazy stuff.

:)

Promises, New and Old

11:21 pm                    December 31st, 2011

I can't believe it's been a year. Wow.

What should my goal be this time 'round?

I guess I'll just start by listing shit.

This year, I will make more time for my friends. I need to learn patience, and to refrain from over reacting. To learn to just let things be... I had the same problem last year. guess I still gotta work on it.

I think I should also relax a little more too. Also, I'll try not to judge people on first impressions either, 'cause they can often be wrong.

On a less dramatic note, this year I'll start making handmade gifts for people most of the time presents need to be given. Yeah.

And I think savin' up more money for the future is a good idea.. I have enough clothes I guessss, so I wont buy such things unless I absolutely love them.

This year I'll also work harder on prioritizing and planning out my time. No more procrastinating either! But hey, hell of a lot easier said then done.

Lastly...

This year, I will try to be less afraid.

Less afraid to be on my own, less afraid to have things not go as planned, less afraid to not have control. I think I need to really learn that life can't be an organized series of events; random shit happens and I needn't react so negatively to it.

Last year, I had 3 main goals.

To eat healthy, have respect, and let things be.

This year, I've boiled it down to a bigger set of smaller things..ish.

I don't know if thats an improvement, but if it isn't, I have all 2012 to make these resolutions count.